// Internet Duct Tape

Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent It *

Posted in Becoming a Better Blogger, Humor, Technology by engtech on August 15, 2006
  1. People judge a book by its cover. Titles are very important.
  2. Blogging about blogging is like masturbation**.
    • Everybody does it, but only a select few obsessively think about it all the time.
    • But they’re the ones who sit beside you on the bus.
  3. Blogging takes more time then you might think. Seriously consider collaboratively working with partners.
    • Inferior, weak-willed partners whose posts you can edit and change with no fear of retaliation, because they know that you have the kahuna’s to release those pictures from that tequila-ridden time with the llamas. Pictures that should never have been taken.
    • llamas are sexy when you make them wear high heels
    • Yes, I am talking to you Robert Scoble.
  4. People won’t dig through old posts unless you are writing a blog about your experience as a London call girl. Present your content in a way that it is easy for new readers to find the older posts they might find interesting.
  5. Categories are how you logically organize posts. It’s like having different drawers for white socks, black socks, and women’s lacy underwear. Each post should have one category.
  6. Tagging is an essential way to add semantic information to help people find similar posts. They aren’t the same as categories, although you can use the same tools to do both. Each post should have multiple tags.
    • Tagging is like putting a Post-It note on your favorite socks to remind you that they have pictures of Superman, so that you’d be able to find them if you couldn’t see the sock but you could still see the Post-It.
    • That’s a really bad analogy.
  7. There is someone out there writing about the exact same subject. Find a way to keep your posts interesting.
    • If that means transcribing your blog into a word balloons above naked pictures of Yasmine Bleeth cavorting with Kermit the Frog then who am I to judge?
  8. A picture is worth a thousand words.
    • Especially if it involves naked Yasmine Bleeth cavorting with Kermit the Frog.
  9. Cut out the chaff. Less is more. This list should have stopped at #6.
  10. Re-read the damn think. Copy editing is a full time job.
  11. Getting dugg, redd, scaped or slashdotted won’t drastically increase your audience. Don’t be a one hit wonder.
  12. Or maybe one popular post is a big enough gateway for you to pick up regular readers and get the whole shebang on the road..
  13. Do search engine optimization to help people find (your) relevant content, not to increase your page views. It’s a sad day indeed when the only hits are from Google spiders and your mom.
  14. Using WordPress (especially wordpress.com) will drastically increase your ranking in search results. It’s Magic with a capital M.
  15. Page views, unique visitors, inbound links, page rank, number of comments and Technorati ranking have as much meaning as you give them. Stats are addictive, but they come second to having fun.
    • Give up SiteMeter and switch to heroin. At least proper drug addiction has support groups. Who is going to listen to you whine about how you got fired for looking at your page views every minute of every day instead of working? No one.
  16. Pick a subject, and stick with it. The only person interested in every random thought going through your head is your mother (and even then she’s faking it).
  17. Commenting on another person’s blog is a good way to get their attention.
    • Sending them illicit pictures of yourself dressed up as a Teletubby covered with whip cream and licorice is a better way.
  18. Keep a list of everyone who ever says something disparaging about you. When you reach the Technorati Top 100 you can look down from green leafy nirvana and mock them as nubile slaves feed you succulent grapes.
  19. The Internet is full of cats. One more won’t hurt.
  20. Not only is ignoring your super-hot girlfriend while writing blog entries a bad idea, it’s liable to get you castrated in your sleep. She baked you cookies for ******’s sake. Stop reading this and go pay attention to her.


*
Yeah, the title wasn’t an accurate representation of the article. It got you to read it though, dinnit? Actually, blogging as we know it is on the cusp of great change.

** I might be doing it, but you’re the one who’s still reading it.

Inspired by problogger.net List Group Writing Project.


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25 Responses

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  1. Donncha said, on August 15, 2006 at 6:53 pm

    Great list, although I do have to admit I have “You can’t touch this” in my music collection somewhere and it gets the occasional airing. That’s related to point 20 above!

  2. noah kagan said, on August 15, 2006 at 7:30 pm

    great post. thanks for thinking of me.

  3. engtech said, on August 15, 2006 at 11:06 pm

    Donncha: I wrote this while wearing my Hammer pants.

    Noah: Thank you for writing something to link to!

  4. Michael Pollock said, on August 15, 2006 at 11:34 pm

    hey thanks for the link! now i must go tend to my super hot girlfriend :-))))

    best – michael

  5. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent it by engtech [...]

  6. Jersey Girl said, on August 16, 2006 at 7:00 pm

    Great post…I laughed all the way through it…it’s heading to my “lists that got my attention” post…great post.

  7. joshmaher said, on August 16, 2006 at 7:47 pm

    Great list, my somewhat cynical advice goes the other way….

    http://joshmaher.wordpress.com/2006/08/14/top-ten-reasons-you-should-not-blog/

  8. MamaDuck said, on August 16, 2006 at 7:52 pm

    Ha ha ha, great list indeed!! Our list is up if you’d like to look… Have a great day!

  9. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent it by engtech [...]

  10. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent it by engtech [...]

  11. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent It * [...]

  12. Kristin Reuss said, on August 24, 2006 at 5:45 am

    I thought this was somewhat instructional while at the same time somewhat aberrated. This is too true to those who actually prefer female donkeys to an acutal girlfriend. I hope all that read this will actually go and pay close attention to their significant other. Thanks.

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  14. Michael Anuzis » Sharing Advice said, on August 26, 2006 at 7:27 pm

    [...] 1. Essential Books for Bloggers by Darren 2. 7 1/2 pieces of Blogging Software I have used by Stanley 3. Get your post listed on 25 sites in 10 Minutes by Sante 4. Should I Add Your blog? by George 5. Seven Ways to Communicate Value with Your Blog by Nathaniel 6. Top 10 Things I’ve Learned from Problogger by Retrospector 7. 5 Reasons Why AdSense Link Units Work So Well by Gleb 8. Top Ten Reasons you Should not blog by Josh 9. Top 10 Ways to Get a Technorati Top 100 Blogger to Link to Your Blog or Website by Michael 10. How to Lose Traffic on Your Blog in 10 days by Chad 11. How I Set Up WordPress by Dominic 12. 5 and a half reasons why Internet trolls are awesome by Yvonne 13. 6 Reasons I love Blogging by Leroy 14. What are your online creations and activities next to your weblog? by Jan 15. Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent it by engtech 16. The A-Z of RSS by Scott 17. The Problem with Writing . . . 25 Things to Know BEFORE You Write for a Living by Liz 18. Five Searches That Have Brought People to Couch Culture by Statier 19. Stuck? 49 ways to crack writer’s block by TDavid 20. Top 3 Reasons YoU’L Love Ordered Lists by Damien 21. 10 Ways to Feature Crucial Posts by John 22. 5 reasons to have a List on your Blog by Liam 23. ProBlogger’s List Meme by Naomi 24. Sixteen Scintillating Short Story Starters by Trevor 25. Top 5 Reasons I’ll Never Make a Lot Of Money Out of TheGeoffRe(y)port by Geoff 26. NY Times my arse… Here is where I get my news by Jay 27. Taking the muse for a long awaited walk by Benjamin 28. Love to Learn from Blogging by Chris 29. 7 Reasons Why Joining a Blog Network Might Take You to Another Level by Martin 30. 6 Reasons I’m Blog Breaking Until September by Nick 31. Best Blogs for Web Publishers by Tolvo 32. PC Poctor blog stats – how the visitor landscape is changing by Adrian 33. The Ten WordPress Plugins For Super Bloggers by Helder 34. Aristotle’s Top 3 Tips for Effective Blogging by Brian 35. Boot the Blog exchange! 20 Ways to Generate REAL traffic! by Leon 36. 8 Articles: Übergeek Methods to Drive Web Traffic by Blake (sponsor) 37. Top Reasons Why I will Never Be a Popular Blogger by Sarah 38. Confessions of a Serial Blog Deleter: or, 5 reasons to keep blogging by Johnathon 39. Top researchers list 11 reasons behind the blog pandemic by Sarang 40. Blogger Beta – 8 New Features and 8 New Issues by Ram 41. Love in a Blog by Laurie 42. 14 Accomplishments of a Newbie Blogger by Razib 43. 7 Usability WordPress Plugins by Thomas 44. 5 Ways to Use MySpace to Reach Your Readers by Dee 45. You Know That Blogging is Taking Over Your Life When… by Kailani 46. 10 Essential Ways to Improve Your Profile as a Blogger by Susan 47. 10 Blogs You Should be Reading by SB 48. Making a Site Inaccessible – Things I used to Do by Phil 49. Nine of My Favorite WordPress Plugins by Sarah 50. Should I Add Your blog? by George 51. Seven Ways to Communicate Value with Your Blog by Nathaniel 52. Top Ten Reasons you Should not blog by Josh 53. Three Reasons Why I don’t Give Good Comment by Jeannette 54. How to Keep Spam out of your Blog by John 55. Starting a Blog? Here Are 8 Different Blogging Business Models by Hendry [...]

  15. [...] 20 Tips for Bloggers [...]

  16. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent It * [...]

  17. [...] “Good French men gone bad.” Un-Hal shook his head. “Obviously, we’re geting closer.” . Then they seemed to meet the devil himself. “Beware. See the Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent it” [...]

  18. Philip Munce said, on October 16, 2006 at 4:50 pm

    Great post but I think one more cat would hurt.

  19. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent it by engtech [...]

  20. [...] sleepers, rockets, late bloomers, duds, screwdrivers, and pubs. Mr. Engtech came up with “blogamageddon” and found the two phrases “wypo” and “weblogism” in the comments at [...]

  21. xodeus said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:31 pm

    Great post there.
    Thanks for your advice.

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  24. [...] Signs of the Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know to Prevent It [...]

  25. [...] The Upcoming Blogamageddon and 20 Things Every Blogger Should Know [...]


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