// Internet Duct Tape

Hacking for Hollywood – Programming in the movies

Posted in Movies, Programming and Software Development, Technology by engtech on December 07, 2006

teh matrixdrivl.com is an entertainment site by seomoz.org. I think the content is written intentionally to spread virally, but who cares because some of it’s good. This time around Matt tackles programming in movies. I liked the spirit, but it needs a title fix, some editing and a stronger intro/conclusion.

  • Code does not move

    Do they honestly think we can read shit that isn’t sitting still?
  • Code is not green text on a black background

    Most programmers use syntax highlighting and sysadmins configure their shell to use ANSI color.
  • Code has structure

    It’s got line breaks, spacing, and indentation. [Unless it’s a nasty perl hack.]
  • Code is not three dimensional

    Last I checked my terminal app doesn’t require OpenGL. I’m working here, bitches — I’m not playing quake.

  • Code does not make blip-blip noises as it appears on the screenDo they have any idea how fucking irritating that would be in real life? This article alone would be like thirty thousand blippity-blips. [I knew a guy who had terminal bell turned on in Emacs, I wanted to kill him within 5 minutes of sitting beside him.]
  • Code cannot be cracked by an 8 year old kid in a matter of seconds
  • Not all code is meant to be cracked

    There are no windows to drag, no enclosing brackets or IF statements, there’s no desktop. Everything on the computer takes the form of an encrypted message, which must make looking at hot steamy pr0n a real bitch.
  • Code isn’t just 0100110 010101 10100 011

    Programmers use this neat thing called the ALPHABET. It’s got letters that you put together to form words. We even put spaces between those words (see #3). [And if they did they would use hex instead of binary.]
  • People who write code use mice

    Sure, we type fast, but a mouse is a very useful tool and there’s no reason we’d abandon it. [Actually, abandoning the mouse is the easiest way to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome. Plus editors like Emacs were created so that you could hit any hot key without moving your fingers from the home row.]
  • Most code is not inherently cross platform

    If real life were like film I’d be able to port wordpress to my toaster using a cat5 cable and a bag of glitter.


6 Responses

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  1. jaybird said, on December 07, 2006 at 8:08 pm

    I don’t know about you, but my code *totally* moves.

    Maybe I should stop putting Bailey’s in the coffee.

  2. Maz said, on December 11, 2006 at 3:41 am

    It does always irritate me when they get it wrong in films. as my knowledge has grown about programming/coding etc, I’ve noticed most of the stupid things you have mentioned and they really annoy the hell out of me, especially the binary thing.

  3. Christian von Kleist said, on December 17, 2006 at 10:08 pm

    Also, monitors don’t project code onto the face of the coder/31337hax0r/user. I don’t understand why directors still use that effect when 99% of their movie’s viewers know perfectly well that monitors are not projectors.

  4. engtech said, on December 18, 2006 at 7:47 pm

    I replaced my monitor with a digital project for a week and burned out my retinas.

    Damn you Hollywood, damn you.

    Now I have to code in braille.

  5. stjarna67 said, on December 23, 2006 at 10:24 pm

    The cinematic concept of ‘suspension of disbelief’ applies to making computer programming 3 dimensional, much like it does to convincing the viewers that Keanu has acting ability.

  6. Meltin' Posts said, on March 26, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    Programming in the movies

    Have you ever noticed those – irritating and not real – crisp animations and insane GUIs populating any software in a hollywood movie? Of course you did .
    I spotted via //engtech a cute post @ Drivl.com about “what code DOESN’T do in real …

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