Hacking for Hollywood – Programming in the movies
drivl.com is an entertainment site by seomoz.org. I think the content is written intentionally to spread virally, but who cares because some of it’s good. This time around Matt tackles programming in movies. I liked the spirit, but it needs a title fix, some editing and a stronger intro/conclusion.
- Code does not move
Do they honestly think we can read shit that isn’t sitting still?
- Code is not green text on a black background
Most programmers use syntax highlighting and sysadmins configure their shell to use ANSI color.
- Code has structure
It’s got line breaks, spacing, and indentation. [Unless it’s a nasty perl hack.]
- Code is not three dimensional
Last I checked my terminal app doesn’t require OpenGL. I’m working here, bitches — I’m not playing quake.
- Code does not make blip-blip noises as it appears on the screenDo they have any idea how fucking irritating that would be in real life? This article alone would be like thirty thousand blippity-blips. [I knew a guy who had terminal bell turned on in Emacs, I wanted to kill him within 5 minutes of sitting beside him.]
- Code cannot be cracked by an 8 year old kid in a matter of seconds
- Not all code is meant to be cracked
There are no windows to drag, no enclosing brackets or IF statements, there’s no desktop. Everything on the computer takes the form of an encrypted message, which must make looking at hot steamy pr0n a real bitch.
- Code isn’t just 0100110 010101 10100 011
Programmers use this neat thing called the ALPHABET. It’s got letters that you put together to form words. We even put spaces between those words (see #3). [And if they did they would use hex instead of binary.]
- People who write code use mice
Sure, we type fast, but a mouse is a very useful tool and there’s no reason we’d abandon it. [Actually, abandoning the mouse is the easiest way to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome. Plus editors like Emacs were created so that you could hit any hot key without moving your fingers from the home row.]
- Most code is not inherently cross platform
If real life were like film I’d be able to port wordpress to my toaster using a cat5 cable and a bag of glitter.